Holy Love Fights for the Futre
What Do You Do When You're Married to a Stranger?
Have you ever woken up one day and realized you're married to someone you don't recognize? Over time, that person who once felt close can begin to feel like a stranger. Marriage has a way of taking two imperfect people and magnifying their flaws and incompleteness. When this happens, many couples find themselves wondering how they got to this place of feeling so close yet so distant at the same time.
Three Common Responses to Marital Difficulty
When marriages become challenging, people typically choose one of three paths:
Option 1: Leave for Someone "Better"
Many believe that if their current relationship isn't perfect, they should find someone who is. This creates a destructive cycle: excitement about a new relationship, followed by disappointment, blame, and escape to find the next "perfect" person. This pattern repeats endlessly because relationships naturally reveal our imperfections.
Option 2: Stay Miserable
Others choose to remain in their marriage but give up fighting for its health. They resign themselves to misery, allowing resentment to take over. Instead of fighting for each other, they end up fighting against each other.
Option 3: Learn to Love the Stranger
The best option is learning to love the person your spouse has become. What if the "someone better" you desire is actually the spouse you already have? What if you fought for your commitment so that both of you could become the someone better for one another?
What Does It Mean to Fight for the Future?
Holy love doesn't run from what marriage reveals—it fights for the future. This means recognizing that each person needs to grow toward one another while growing toward Christ. Through commitment to deep friendship and formation, the stranger beside you can become that someone better by God's grace.
Important Caveats
It's crucial to understand that some relationships aren't just hard—they're harmful. When there's ongoing betrayal, abuse, or danger, safety comes before reconciliation. The Bible does make space for separation and even divorce in certain circumstances. However, not every sin, hurt, or difficult season means you should abandon your marriage.
The Foundation: Sacrificial Love
The biblical foundation for fighting for your marriage is sacrificial love, as outlined in Ephesians 5:21-25:
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." - Ephesians 5:21-25
The Key Starting Point
Before discussing roles, Paul establishes the atmosphere: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." This means recognizing that in a holy marriage, there are three people involved—Christ is above, and the rest are not. This prevents the misuse of marriage roles for control or selfishness.
Understanding Sacrificial Submission
What Sacrificial Submission Is NOT
It's not a statement about value or equality - It's not about male superiority or women submitting to all men - It's not surrendering thought, discernment, or the voice of the Holy Spirit - It's not making a husband's word unquestionable
What Sacrificial Submission IS
Sacrificial submission is a heart posture that says, "I don't want control. I want us both to become like Christ." It's a Christ-like disposition to support leadership that has prioritized Christ above all things. This is specifically for wives toward their own husbands—not all men, but the man they've chosen to marry after determining he is "husband material."
Understanding Sacrificial Leadership
What Sacrificial Leadership Is NOT
It's not permission to command and control - It's not a God-given right to dictate everything - It's not about ascending to a throne of power
What Sacrificial Leadership IS
Sacrificial leadership is a heavy responsibility to love and lead like Christ. Jesus taught that true leadership means putting yourself last, not first. For husbands, this means giving yourself up for your wife, just as Christ gave himself up for the church.
A Challenge for Men
Many men want to lead at work but come home wanting to be led like children. They want their wives to make all the family decisions while reserving veto power. This isn't leadership—it's avoiding responsibility. God calls husbands to bear the weight of their families: to lead spiritually, disciple their marriages and children, provide safety, and foster flourishing.
The Beautiful Picture of Philippians 2
Philippians 2:3-11 provides a powerful example of how this works in practice:
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant..." - Philippians 2:3-7
When applied to marriage, this passage shows both spouses counting the other as more significant, looking to each other's interests, and following Christ's example of sacrificial love.
Jesus as the Perfect Example
Jesus demonstrates both sacrificial submission and sacrificial leadership. Though equal with God, He chose not to grasp control but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant. He humbled Himself to the point of death on a cross—not because He was forced to, but because He chose sacrificial love for our benefit.
Jesus doesn't flex His position to force us to serve Him. Instead, He lays His life down to serve, protect, and give Himself for us. He's not interested in leaving us for someone better—He looks at us and believes we can become someone better. He fights for our future.
Life Application
This week, stop fighting for control in your marriage and start fighting for a future together. Whether you're the husband or wife, ask yourself: "How can I sacrificially love my spouse the way Christ has loved me?"
Consider these questions:
Am I more focused on getting my way or on helping both of us become more like Christ?
How can I lay down my desires this week for the good of my spouse?
What would it look like for me to fight for our future rather than trying to control our present?
In what specific ways can I serve my spouse without expecting anything in return?
Holy love is possible when each spouse operates from the mindset of Jesus—choosing sacrificial love over selfish ambition, and fighting for the future rather than fleeing from present difficulties. Learn to love the stranger in your marriage the same way Jesus loves you.
